Relationship Counseling: What You Should Do If You Suspect Your Husband May Be Gay
Even in this modern age, there may be some men who do not want to admit that they are gay or bisexual. When these men marry in order to maintain a "straight" appearance, there can be several problems in the marriage. If you suspect that your husband may be gay or bisexual, you need to encourage him to attend relationship counseling with you. Here are some other things you should do during this discovery and recovery process.
Encourage Your Husband to Be as Open with You as Possible
Encourage your husband to be open in discussing almost anything with you. After all, as husband and wife, your secrets are just between the two of you anyway. (There are even legal privileges affording to protect this intimate privacy—"spousal privilege.") In therapy, the only other person that becomes aware of your husband's sexual appetites is your therapist, and he or she cannot share what is discussed or revealed in your sessions either. Do everything you can to encourage your husband to open up about these very personal parts of himself. In doing so, he may find that he is able to admit, deny, or confirm with certainty how he feels about you and other possible love interests.
If Your Husband is Gay or Bisexual
If your husband reaches a point in relationship counseling where he is able to admit that he is gay or bisexual, then he is going to need a lot of support. Clearly, if he felt terrified enough to hide this from everyone else (including you, his wife) then he is very worried about how the two of you will live your lives now. If he is gay, then the two of you may end up discussing divorce, and you may have to consider how you feel about things ranging from mixed-orientation marriages to open relationships. These are all issues that may have to be addressed if your husband is indeed gay or bisexual, and addressing them in couples counseling and separate counseling sessions can help.
If Your Husband Is Neither Gay Nor Bisexual, but There Is Something Else
For most wives, it is a relief to hear that their husbands are not gay or bisexual. However, you should be prepared to hear whatever else your husband may have to say. For example, his secret may be that he cannot become aroused unless he wears women's clothing. He could also not be as attracted to you as he once was, or he may be having an affair. Regardless of what else may be at the heart of your relationship problems, you can learn to work through them and learn to support each other with the techniques provided to you by your therapist.
For more information about psychotherapy, see a therapist such as Howard Rossen.